The Salt Lake Tribune reports that an inexplicable phenomenon -- dubbed 'traffic' by Trib analysts -- drastically slowed the pace of local residents' commute to work this morning. Reports first came in through the Trib's website in an alert titled, "Traffic Slowing Monday's Commute into Salt Lake City."On-site reports confirm that whilst traveling at acceptable freeway speeds around 8:30 a.m. this morning, motorists experienced a mysterious sense of friction that brought their vehicles to a near standstill. Some drivers reported that they were forced to "stop" and "go" multiple times before proceeding to their respective destinations.
We spoke with a local commuter who had pulled to the side of the
road, refusing to bend to the will of the force. "Traffic," he stuttered in disbelief, after hearing the danger alert on AM 1160, "I'm gonna be late for work!"Ed. Note: Most of this story has been fabricated but the Tribune's headline is 100% real. Keep an eye on the Trib online for equally enlightening news flashes in the future.
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